


Stars & Hearts

by StrawberryHearts



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Steven Universe: The Movie, Romance, Slow Burn, Will add tags as I go, post everything but pre show ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:14:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23768317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrawberryHearts/pseuds/StrawberryHearts
Summary: Takes place shortly after Future episode 19, but before 20.Spinel shows up without warning. Steven isn't really sure he can handle it at the moment, but Connie has been busy... He's been growing less dependant on Connie. Definitely good, but also opens the door for drifting apart, something her rigorious study schedule doesn't help. He's still been having his...episodes...But they've been less frequent. His therapist says if he keeps improving, he'll eventually have nothing to worry about.
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe), Spinel/Steven Universe
Comments: 17
Kudos: 56





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There's not enough fluffy Steven/Spinel fics! I gotta change that!  
> But I also have a pathological need to fit everything neatly into canon, so there's gonna be some Buildup while him and Connie figure things out. I just wanna write a cute fluffy fic but now I gotta basically write a whole season of SU  
> Being a perfectionist is suffering
> 
> I heard there was a Stevinel discord but I cant find a link ;-;

It had been a few days since Steven’s little...episode.

That’s how Pearl talked about it. Just a little episode, nothing more. She was treating him like he was made out of glass these days. It was so frustrating. They had all come together and promised to help, just long enough to change him back.

The diamonds had left almost immediately; they had things to take care of on Homeworld.

Sure, Steven understood.

Connie had left shortly after, claiming that she said she needed to study.

Sure, Steven understood that as well. But that didn’t make it any less aggravating. He hadn’t even had a chance to properly talk to her since she’d- Since she’d rejected his proposal. He felt the despair welling back up in him. He focused on his breathing, running through some of the coping mechanisms his therapist had told him about during his first session the other day. Part of him thought Connie was avoiding him on purpose. She had never liked facing their problems. Not when her parents had freaked out about Alexandrite coming to dinner, and not now. You couldn’t always just get on a bus and escape.

-

Spinel faced the warp with some trepidation. She hadn’t really seen him since he’d come to ask the diamonds for help. They’d ushered her back home way too quickly after the incident. Still, she hadn’t been wasting her time on Homeworld. She’d flagged down one of the Peridots in the palace, and gotten her to help her study earth culture. Human culture was becoming pretty trendy amongst some homeworld gems. She’d spent the last few days studying, and was confident it would be enough. It’d definitely be enough to help him.

She stepped onto the warp, forcing herself to smile.

_Showtime…_

Ugh, the greenhouse. She hated gardens of all sorts these days. She made a quick exit, just in time to see Steven on his way to check who had warped in. “Steven!” She bowled him over in a hug, wrapping her arms around him a few times. “It’s so good to see ya again!”

“Spinel? What’re you doing here?” Steven didn’t really return the hug, but that was fine. 

“I’m here ta move in! I figgred, this whole mess got started cuz ya didn’t have anyone ta talk to, right? An’ who better to talk to than me? I know all about vindictive thoughts, big time! So I can help ya with yers!” She helped him back to his feet, although she left one arm wrapped around one of his, and took his hand. Even now, she still needed a physical reminder that he was here with her, and he wasn’t leaving. She’d made some progress, but not nearly as much as she’d admit to Steven. 

“Whoa, whoa, move in? Spinel, there’s no room in the Temple.” He tried to ignore her hold on him. “Besides, I thought you were happy with the diamonds.”

“Eh, they’re a little busy for me. ‘Sides, I’m totally fine now, yup! So I don’t gotta hang around em and bring em down anymore!” She had no idea that what she just said was an indicator that she was _not_ fine. She wasn’t the most introspective gem. “I been studyin’ Earth stuff, so I’m totally ready for this! Whatcha wanna do first? Video games? Food? Oh! It’s morning, humans need to eat! Right! Let’s head in, and I’ll make you some breakfast!” She ran into the house, dragging Steven right along with her.

Hmm...She’d read something about sugar helping with human’s moods. She threw open the freezer. Let’s see...Toaster waffles. Those were sweet. Syrup. Whipped cream. “Spinel, do you...Want some help?” Steven knew better than to trust Gem’s cooking, really. Especially since he wasn’t sure if Spinel had ever actually eaten.

“Nnope! You just sit your butt on the couch and let Spinel take care of this, okay?” As she spoke, she rifled through the drawers, the hand that was holding him picking him up and depositing him on the couch, finally pulling away.

To his surprise, she mostly seemed to have a handle on things. Maybe Pink had liked to eat. She took...Something out of her gem, and sprinkled it all over. She'd come prepared. Oh! There was some strawberry syrup too! She made a whole stack of waffles, and frosted them with whipped cream, making a thin layer around the entire thing like a cake. She finished it off with a flourish, and some strawberry syrup. “Tadaaa!”

With far more enthusiasm than it warranted, Spinel set the breakfast down on the counter. Not quite a Together Breakfast, but close enough. Steven got up, taking a seat at the counter. It definitely did remind him of all the things he used to eat when he was younger. Steven used to eat toaster waffles basically all the time when the Gems were out, but it had been a while. They were still something of a guilty pleasure for him. It was a little sweet, but he wasn’t going to ignore Spinel’s effort. His therapist had told him to stop pushing away his support network. Steven used to eat toaster waffles basically all the time when the Gems were out, but it had been a while. They were still something of a guilty pleasure for him. It looked like there were chunks of rock candy sprinkled all over it, and she'd drawn a strawberry syrup Spinel and Steven on the top, holding hands and smiling. He had to admit, it was pretty cute. Rock candy from a sweet rock. Spinel sat next to him, handing over a fork.

She’d never eaten before, but..Things were always more fun together, right? The pair began to dig in. Steven hadn't had anything so sweet in a while. So many clashing flavors! Spinel smacked her lips as she ate, a curious expression on her face. She chewed the waffles far more than such a soft food warranted, and swallowed. She tilted her head to the side, then the other one, like a confused puppy, trying to decide if she liked eating or not. "Hmmmmmmmm....." With that, she began almost literally shoveling the food into her mouth. If she was human, or even if she was a less stretchy gem, she probably would've choked. "Betta hurry, Steven!" She said between bites of the confection, "Or you won't get any!"

She was clearly trying to goad him into making a game of it, but he did need to eat. He let himself get drawn into it, fighting her for waffle-dominance. Their forks clashed! Spinel consciously avoided mussing up her little drawing, but Steven went straight for it, tearing off both strawberry doodle's heads. Spinel retaliated with a cut straight down, taking about a quarter of the entire stack for herself. For a moment, it seemed like she had the upper hand, but Steven managed to turn the table on her with a flick of the wrist, 'disarming' Spinel and sending her fork clattering to the plate. He took the chance to scoop up as much as he could, his cheeks puffing up like a chipmunk. Spinel giggled, tapping his full cheek. He swallowed a huge bite, beginning to laugh as well.

Well, this was going really well! She’d made him laugh and smile, and she’d only been here for a little while! Honestly, it was less of a performance than she’d thought. Being with Steven was easy, and fun. She still needed to restrain herself, but not nearly as much as she’d anticipated.

Soon enough, the breakfast was over.

The morning had passed quickly, and Steven seemed to be in a good mood. She would suggest going into town, but maybe a calm day indoors would be better for Steven? She...honestly wasn’t sure. But! There was plenty of stuff to do in his house. 

It turns out there wasn’t plenty of stuff to do. Really only video games. Still, Spinel got sucked into the game pretty easily. Any game worked. Spinel _did_ order pizza halfway through the day. As part of her studying (most of her studying, in fact. She didn’t have too much in the way of actual study materials) she had marathoned tons of teen comedies. Pizza was an essential part of any hangout session! And this way, they didn’t have to stop and eat, and potentially think of bad things!

Still, they couldn’t avoid themselves forever, no matter how hard Spinel tried. The moment classes were done for the day, the warp activated. Pearl was home.

“Steven? Are you okay?” Steven paused the game, flashing Spinel a somewhat guilty smile. She...Didn’t quite understand why he looked guilty. But it was okay. Things were going okay so far.

“Yes, Pearl. I’m fine. Spinel came to visit.” He stayed sat on the edge of the bed, correctly anticipating that she was coming up to see him. 

Her anxious face popped into view as she hurried up the stairs to see them. She blinked, taking a moment to compose herself. She hadn’t expected to see Spinel. “I see. Well...I’m glad to see that you’re alright.” Pearl stood there for a moment, then two. “Well, let me know if you need anything, Steven.” With that, she retreated back, lingering for only a moment or two before heading into her room. 

Steven glanced over at Spinel.. “I know she wants to help, but...She’s no good at these things.” He sighed, frustrated. “I know it’s selfish, but I don’t have the energy to reassure her. She’s blaming herself, just like I knew she would, and I just can’t- Can’t deal with that right now.” 

Spinel nodded, leaning her head on his shoulder. At least Steven seemed like he was getting better at setting personal boundaries? “Ya don’t gotta.” She knew there was something else she should say...Some words of encouragement...But they eluded her. “Just look out fer yerself, okay?” Steven just nodded, unpausing the game. 

Well, that was as good a dismissal as any. 

-

Soon enough, night began to encroach upon their little bubble of light, the home nestled safely in the statue’s arms. Steven turned off the game, looking over at Spinel. They had spent the whole day on games. He extended a hand to her. “Let’s go for a walk.” 

It was a beautiful night in Beach City. The seagulls had long since gone to rest, and the boardwalk had shut down. The only noise that broke the stillness was the gentle lapping of waves on the shore. Steven stared up at the stars, idly wondering if any of them were Homeworld. Spinel’s eyes never left his face. He was the first to break the silence. “Hey, so...I appreciate you coming to see me. But...Why?”

Her voice grew serious for the first time that day. “Well...It’s like everyone was sayin’ the other day, Steven. We wanna be there fer you. And if it turns out that everyone else is too busy…” She shrugged. “I’ll just haveta supportcha that much more, right? I realize we ain’t seen much of eachudder since dat whole fiasco with the bio poison and whatnot, but ya really helped me. And now I wanna help you.” She glanced aside, a little embarrassed. Still, there was something magic about the moonlight on earth. Something about it made the night feel like a dream. 

Steven...wasn’t sure how to feel about that. He was sure Spinel was still dealing with things, no matter what she had said, and...Could he really ask someone else to take on his burden, even if they were offering? No, no...He had to, otherwise he’d just be right back where he started. He needed to accept help when it was offered…”Spinel...Thank you. The truth is, I...Kinda thought everyone would stick by me a little more after that. But Connie went right back to studying, and even the gems spent all day teaching. I know they have their own lives, and their own responsibilities, but…” He sighed, taking a seat by the sea. “I’m just tired.”

Spinel sat beside him, risking putting a hand on his shoulder. None of her studying had prepared her for quiet companionship. And even with Pink, she had never been good at the quiet part. This was all new to her...But she couldn’t mess it up. She couldn’t let Steven hurt anymore. “It’s alright, Steven. I ain’t goin’ anywhere.” 

He leaned into her. So the hand had been a good idea...Spinel would get the hang of this. “Connie and I haven’t even talked since she rejected me, Dad’s on tour all the time…I really needed someone to just waste a day with. Thank you, Spinel...I know there’s no space for you to move in, but...Can you come back tomorrow?”

Spinel was already seeing progress. Emotions like that might’ve set off Steven’s diamond powers before. Or maybe that was just wishful thinking on her part. “Of course, Steven. Ya couldn’t get rid of me if ya tried. I’ll be back tomorrow, an’ the day afta that, an’ the day afta that. Fer as long as ya want me around.” 

Steven gave her a quick hug. Startled, it was a moment or two before Spinel thought to hug him back, and by then, he was already pulling away. “Thanks. Maybe tomorrow I can show you the boardwalk? I know you haven’t gotten a chance to see much of earth when it’s not being destroyed. I’m sure you’d love funland.” Steven had once dragged Garnet, Pearl, and Amethyst there, but if any gem would actually enjoy it, it would be Spinel. “C’mon, it’s getting late. I’ll walk you to the warp.” He got up, offering her a hand.

The pair headed over, Spinel giving Steven a big wave as she stepped onto the pad. “See ya tomorrow, Universe!”

“See you, Spinel.”

And she warped.

She sighed, her face falling. That had gone well, she supposed. She trudged back to her room, opening the door. The pebbles had rearranged it to suit her, but it still didn’t feel like her room. Then again, what was her room supposed to be like? She’d never had a space to call her own. “Heya, pebbles? Mind bringin’ out Steven’s room? He musta toldja somethin’ about it when he was here.”

There was some soft murmuring - the only response she ever got from them, and they got to work.

After it was taken care of, she flopped down on the bed - on a replica of Steven’s bed - and closed her eyes. She was performing. But that’s what she was good at, right? Spinel needed to be strong. Strong enough for Steven to lean on. 

_Steven…_

She’d tried not to think about him after everything that had happened. But...How were you supposed to just ignore someone who’d changed your life like that? He’d been on her mind more than she cared to admit. She didn’t think he was just a replacement for Pink to her. Still, she tried to ignore it. He’d sent her to the diamonds, so she’d be a good little gem and stay with them. Definitely not just looking for some excuse, _any_ excuse to spend time with him.

But when she heard what had happened, there was no way she could just stay away. Steven needed help. And she was gonna be there to give it to him. She could handle her anxiety for long enough to do that. It had been getting worse, spending time with the diamonds...They were busy pretty often. Still, she could handle it.

...Right?


	2. Chapter 2

Spinel arrived bright and early the next morning! She had spent the whole night alone, so she was more than ready to see him again. She didn't even have to force herself to grin! She was just happy to be going back, although she was a little surprised. Nobody had come to meet her at the warp. She headed into the house, a little miffed. Still, it wasn't a big deal. Steven wasn't in bed...She walked downstairs. Nobody at the counter. There was an odd noise, though. Sort of like rain...But it was a beautiful day outside. Cocking an ear, she followed the noise to a shut door. Oh! She knew what this was! It was a human shower! Her movies had shown her what to do in a situation like this!

She slammed the door open. "Honey, I'm hoooome~!" She giggled, as Steven let out a very soprano scream. 

"Spinel!? What are you doing?! Close the door!" Steven wrapped the curtain around himself, flushing darkly. 

Spinel did as asked, stepping in and closing the door behind her. "You got it, chief! Niceta see ya this mornin'!"

Steven groaned, the pink in his cheeks steadily beginning to cover his whole body. He was glowing again. "That's not what I meant! Listen, I-" He cut himself off, sighing angrily. "It's good to see you again, but you can't be in here while I'm showering! Get out and close the door behind you, and wait for me to come out." 

Oops. He was glowing. "Okay, okay! I'll wait outside!" She didn't know he was gonna be upset about it...Whenever someone did that in her movies, it led to talking! Well, kissing too, but talking came first, and she knew Steven wasn't aboutta kiss her. Hmm, maybe she should’ve kissed him before she left the room? She took a seat on the couch, slouching quite a bit. Time to wait...Alone...Just like all night. And he was glowing...Maybe it'd just be a short one, like when she'd kissed him after he'd come to visit? He seemed to be doing a lot better with everything said and done, so she had no reason not to hope.

Soon enough Steven exited the bathroom, fully clothed and fully cleaned. And he wasn't glowing! Perfect! He did still look a little angry, though. So, she stretched forward, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, giving him her best puppy dog eyes. "Aww, I'm sorry, Steven. I didn't mean ta upset ya. I just wanted ta see ya again."

Steven couldn't really be mad at her for wanting to see him...And he was weak to those eyes. Urgh, was she always this cute? He just nodded, taking a seat beside her on the couch. "I know...Just- When a human's in the bathroom, it's meant to be a private time, y'know? So next time...Just wait outside?"

She didn't quite understand why, but that was fine. She had been told how to stop upsetting him, and she was gonna stick to it. "Roger that!" She gave a salute, smiling at him. "So! I know we spent all day yesterday just wastin' time. Howsabout we go for it again? Or wait, no! You wanted ta show me the boardwalk, right?" 

Her enthusiasm was infectious. Steven found himself smiling as well, even if he didn't really feel like it. "Yeah, that's right. Let's head down, and see what there is to see. I do have to go over to Little Homeschool later, but we have some time before that." 

Her legs stretched over to where she was hanging onto him, and she took her arm back. "Little Homeschool? Didntcha quit that a while back?" Some news of Steven had made it to homeworld. He was something of a sensation with the newer gems. She had always treasured the bits of information that trickled through. 

"Yeah, but I've been thinking about going back to it recently. It's painful watching gems graduate, but at least I can help them while they're in school, right? Teaching just feels..Right, when I'm not worrying about my own stuff. And even then, it helps me get out of my own head sometimes." He gestured for her to follow, heading outside.

Spinel, of course, wouldn't be left behind. "Huh. Yeah, okay. That makes sense." She didn't really get it, but she had decided to roll with the punches. "I'll help ya teach, then!" She shot him a grin as they trudged along the beach. The sun felt so good on her form! The sand underfoot, the waves on the shore...She could definitely see why Earth was so popular. She knew Steven had said there was no room for her in the temple, but..There had to be something they could do. Mmh, maybe one day she could move in with Steven, and live together...It was nice to dream. Little Homeworld was an option, but it wouldn’t really bring her closer. Either way, she was just one warp away. Well...It could be worse.

"Thanks, Spinel. But-" He cut himself off, pausing for a long moment. "That would actually be really helpful, thank you." 

He accepted her help! She was IN! She wasn't sure how much she could actually help, but she'd do her best. They arrived at the boardwalk before too long. She had to pay close attention and study up if she was going to help Steven teach!

"Okay, this is the big doughnut. I usually start here, for breakfast. Well...I used to. Too much sugar for me now. But this place is great! It's where I met my friends, Lars and Sadie. Lars..Kinda became a space pirate. Him and some graduates of Little Homeschool blasted off to go adventure in outer space. Sadie's touring with her partner, Shep. Most of my friends have moved on..."

"Well that's okay! Your new best friend Spinel ain't goin' nowhere! Why don't ya show me the rest of the boardwalk?" She wanted to get his mind off those problems, and focus on something happy. Ignoring your problems was the best! It was how she dealt with her vengeful thoughts, and it had been working out perfectly for her! "I heard about a place called Funland. That sounds great!"

"Right, right. Well..." He walked down a bit, ignoring a couple of the shops. "This here's Fish Stew Pizza. It's great for when you wanna grab a quick bite with friends. Pizza is super convenient. Wait, why am I telling you that? You ordered some for us yesterday." He shook his head, giving her a smile. "I'm sure you'll love Funland. There's all kinds of games to play there. There's even an arcade! It's like the video games we played yesterday, but..More. I'm doing a bad job explaining it, but I'm sure you'll love it!" 

"Fish Stew Pizza, huh? Why do they call it that? Aren't those two completely different foods?"

"Yeah, but it's kinda their gimmick. Their special has a whole fish cut up on it. Personally, I'm not much one for seafood. Kinda overdone in a town right by the ocean. And I'm a vegetarian now anyway." They moved onto the next shop. "This is the fry stand. I used to come by all the time and get fry bits. Hold on, I can just show you." Showing someone new around town was kind of nostalgic for Steven. It definitely reminded him of how far he'd come. As luck would have it, Mr. Fryman was at the counter already. "Hey, Fryman. I know it's been a while, but-" He winked, gently pounding on the counter like he used to. "Gimmie the bits!"

The man at the counter just laughed. "Sure thing, Steven. Showing a new gem around?" Fryman had mostly just worried about his business, but he couldn't help but notice all the new folks in town. Especially because they were multicolored. He headed back over to the fryer, getting Steven his bits.

"What's a bits?" Spinel crept forward, peering into the fry shop. 

He chuckled, putting a hand on her shoulder. "You'll see. They're super unhealthy, so I can't have em all the time, but there's no harm every once in a while." Fryman handed over the bits to him, giving him a wave. Perfect! He offered the small carton to her, popping one into his mouth. They...Weren't great. Too greasy. 

Spinel, however, loved them. She hadn't eaten anything yet she didn't love. "Oh wow-" She spoke through a full mouth, "- These are great! They're called fry bits?"

Steven nodded, heading across the boardwalk. "Yeah. When I was a kid, I'd eat them like every day. This-" He gestured towards the games inside, "Is Funland Arcade. I've got some quarters, so let's give it a shot!" He grinned, leading her inside. 

"Whoa..." Spinel looked around. There were so many games! Drug Dog Reinforcement looked fun! It seemed like some kinda dancing game...Maybe later. Teens of Rage, Skeeball, Chrono Panic 4...Oh! That one seemed fun! "Ooh, how about this?" She gestured to the Apartment of the Unliving 3 cabinet. It had some neat looking controllers.

Steven shrugged, a little surprised she'd picked such a violent game. Still, if she wanted. He put the quarters in. "Okay...So for this one, you just point and pull the trigger. To reload, just pump the shotgun like this, okay?" He cocked it, giving her a smile, and hit the 2 player button.

To his continued surprise, Spinel was just as good at this as she had been at the video games yesterday. She even managed to outlast him! Although she was on her last life, so he didn't put more quarters in. There was still plenty of other stuff to see. She didn't last too much longer.

"Aw, man! So what's tha deal with the humans in that game? Y'don't normally look so...Rotted. You pick the next game, okay?" She shot him a smile. That had been pretty fun, all things considered. She liked the unique controls. But she wanted Steven to have fun too! And...She really wasn't used to picking what game to play. 

Unfortunately, his alarm chose that moment to go off. He pulled his phone from his pocket, silencing it. “Sorry, Spinel. This took a little longer than I thought. It’s time to head to Little Homeschool. Pearl should be finished teaching for the day, so we should be able to talk to her.”

“Aww...Okay!” She headed back to the temple with him, although her arm snaked back to snag their frybits on the top of the machine. Those things were good.

The pair warped over. Spinel didn’t remember anything from her time Rejuvenated, so Little Homeworld was brand new to her as well. It certainly didn’t look like the homeworld she was used to, but that wasn’t a bad thing. It was a fusion between the aesthetics of homeworld and earth. Rows of houses, corner shops, mixed in with gem glyph.

She trailed Steven as he strode through the buildings. Pearl was teaching her cell phone class right now in the courtyard. “Hey Pearl! All done with classes for the day?”

Pearl put her phone away in her gem, turning to him with surprise. “Steven! And Spinel..Yes, class just wrapped up. What did you want to talk about?”

Spinel waved, but said nothing. She was standing behind Steven, a little nervous. Things hadn’t exactly been the best last time she’d seen Pearl...

“I’ve been thinking. I want to start teaching at Little Homeschool again. I know my students are going to graduate and move on, but- Maybe I should try to be happy about that, right?”

Pearl wasn’t entirely convinced. “Well...If you’re sure, Steven.” She knew he had to make some sort of change or he’d end up as a monster again, but she wasn’t sure this was the right change. Then again, he could’ve proposed just about anything and she wouldn’t be sure. Pearl had been second-guessing just about everything to do with Steven lately. She’d even considered moving his room into Rose’s, so he could feel closer with the other gems while he slept.

Steven knew none of that, but he could tell Pearl wasn’t sold on the idea. “Trust me, it’ll be good for me. Seeing everyone learning and growing _should_ make me happy. Especially if I can be the one to help them.” He still needed to be needed. But the teacher/student relationship should at least keep some degree of separation between him and the students.

“Alright.” She smiled, relenting. She really had no other choice. Hopefully Steven would know what was best for him..“I’ll text you the current schedule, and you can see what needs filling. Does Spinel want to enroll?”

Spinel stepped forward, shaking her head. “No way. I’m gonna help Steven out with teaching, and be right there by his side if he needs me. I don’t got time to go to school.”

Pearl’s smile grew slightly strained. “Well, if you change your mind, you know who to call.”

Steven nodded. “Thanks, Pearl.” He waved, turning and heading back to the warp.

Spinel followed, waiting until they were out of earshot. “Geez...I don’t think she likes me very much. Well, that’s just too bad, cause I’m here ta stay!”

"Huh? Right..." He'd been distracted by his phone. He'd gotten a text from Connie. The weekend was coming up, she would be free to hang out sometime soon. He sent a quick reply.

_Hey, Connie. I know things have been weird, but we still need to talk about what happened._

She'd never even asked him what prompted his proposal...He didn't notice as he began to glow. The memories were still painful, even if he knew he could rely on his friends for support. 

Code Red! Or pink, rather. Spinel had to get him focusing on something else...What else, what else? What kinda games would Steven enjoy...? There had to be something he’d like to do! “Umm, wanna show me the rest of the boardwalk?”

Steven shook his head. "Sorry, Spinel. I'm... not really in the mood." What was he going to say to Connie...? 'Hey, sorry I asked you to marry me.' But he wasn't sorry...Not really. So he shouldn't apologize...He sighed.

Spinel wasn't helping him...There had to be something she could do. "Well that's okay! How about we head back to the arcade? That dancin’ game looked like a lotta fun!”

He shook his head. "Some other time, okay? For now..." It was still too early to head back home, but he really didn't feel like being out, either. Oh well...He guessed he might as well head home. "For now...Let's just head home, okay?"

She had wanted to help...There had to be something she could do! There had to be...She frowned, looking down. She was supposed to be a friend..."Okay...Let's head home, then." Spinel reached out, taking his hand. She squeezed it, giving him a smile. "Hey, it's okay ta not wanna do stuff." 

Steven forced himself to smile. "Right. I think I'm just tired. Sorry, Spinel." 

She had just told him it was okay! Oh well...All there was to do was head back, then. And he hadn't pulled away from her, so...That was a good sign, right? The pair headed back home in silence. Spinel was wracking her brains, trying to come up with some way to help. "I hate seein' ya like this, Universe. Y'know you can tell me anythin', right? Even if I ain't been around, I'm here for ya." She could only say that so many times, though.

"I know, I know." He knew he should open up, but...No, no buts. He had to try to get better. "It's just...Connie and I." He dropped her hand as they warped over, pausing as he went up to his room and took a seat on the bed. Then fell backwards onto the bed. The bedsprings groaned, as if he weighed far more than he did. "I'm still not sure who I'm supposed to be. I know you and the gems'll be here to help me figure that out, but..It's still scary. I asked Connie to marry me, and live together as Stevonnie, our fusion."

Marriage...She was vaguely familiar with that. Not a lot of her movies had mentioned it. But she knew fusion. Living together..Like Garnet? That was...Actually a pretty good way of running away from your problems. Spinel was almost jealous she hadn't thought of it. Well...That she could do! She sat beside him, giving him a smile. "I can fuse with ya, if that's whatcha want. Then I could get outta my head too, y'know?"

He was a little tempted. But he didn't know Spinel well enough yet. Among other reasons. "Hey...My therapist said running from your problems isn't healthy." She clearly needed to hear that as much as he did. Wait...She was having problems pretty similar to his. Not the whole identity crisis, but she was clearly trying not to face her problems either. "Actually...Let's work on it together, okay?" He sat up, the glow fading. He smiled at her, taking both her hands in his.

She blushed slightly, looking down at their hands. "Tagetha, huh?"

"Yeah. I'll be honest with you about all of my issues, if you'll be honest with me about all of yours. We have to face them, so we can move past them and heal." His eyes were sparkling with excitement.

How could Spinel say no to a face like that? His eyes were shining, he was grinning, he'd stopped glowing...It was too much for any gem to handle. Especially one who cared for Steven like she did. Who owed her everything to him. "Well...Awrite, if you're sure." She was still kind of nervous about the idea, even if it meant getting closer to Steven. 

"Great!" He squeezed her hands, grin widening. "I know it's scary, but I know we can do it, as long as we work together. So...Let's make a promise, okay? No more running. You and me are gonna tackle our problems head on, together!"

Spinel nodded. "Right then! Tagetha!" Even if it was scary...Someone like Steven would be able to help her. She knew he couldn’t fix her- She was far too broken for that- But it’d be nice to have someone to lean on, if nothing else.

And the promise was made. Soon, Connie would be here. Soon, Steven would have to face a whole bunch of his issues.

And Spinel would be right there by his side.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I rewatched the entire show  
> five seasons  
> a movie  
> and Future  
> I'm READY TO WRITE! c:


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know i shouldn't rush this important early stuff but I hella just wanna write fluffy scenes ;-;  
> Thank you guys so much for your kind comments and words! It means a lot and keeps me goin'!

Spinel arrived a little later the next day, careful to head inside after Steven had showered and readied for the day. Perfect timing! He'd just gotten dressed, and was seated on his bed. She slid open the glass door with a grin. "Hiya, Steven!"

He looked up, meeting her smile with one of his own. "Hey, Spinel. I was just wondering when you'd show up."

Aww, he was thinking about her. "Here I am!" She gave him a quick hug, pulling back a little to sit beside him, although one arm was still slung around his shoulders. She was just more comfortable like that. 

Steven didn't mind, if it helped her. "Here you are. I'm afraid I'll have to have another day in today. Pearl texted me the schedule this morning, and it's...Pretty complex. You don't have to hang around if you don't want." He had been caught off guard by how much Little Homeschool had grown in his absence. It was a bitter reminder that everything had to change. "I'll have to spend some time going over it, and figuring out where I can help."

Paperwork! That sounded...Not fun. Wait... "Yer not gonna send me away, right?" She began to frown, pulling away from Steven and anxiously grabbing her arm. Pink had always left when she had some work to do...When she finally got her colony. No mixing work and play...Was Steven just going to leave too? Was he gonna leave her alone? 

He looked up, concerned with the fear in her voice. "No, I wouldn't do that!" Whoops. He'd spoken without really considering Spinel's history. "I just thought- This is kind of dry, and you probably have better things to do than hang around with me while I go over it all. If you want to stay, I'd never stop you." 

Spinel nodded, trying to force herself to cool down. "Sorry." She glanced down, eyes fixed on the floor. She had said she was going to keep her issues under control...Steven shouldn't be worrying about her on top of everything else.

"Hey, it's okay." He smiled, putting a hand on her shoulder. "I was wrong to tell you that you could leave. I mean, what could I do without you there to keep me from death-by-paperwork? I need you here to help cheer me up if this stuff gets too dull. For now, you can play a game or something while I figure this out, okay?" He got up, turning on his console and grabbing a controller.

She looked over, beginning to smile just a bit in spite of herself. "Okay...I can do that!" She stretched, grabbing him a notebook from the counter downstairs. She set it beside her, then paused for a moment. She really shouldn't push, but...They'd decided to face things together, right? And that meant if she needed help she could try to get it. She took Steven's free hand.

Steven's smile grew, and he set the controller down in her lap, retaking his seat beside her. He'd have a little bit of difficulty working like this, but Spinel couldn't game either, so he figured it probably wouldn't last too long. She'd get bored sooner rather than later. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze, trying to show her it was okay, and flipped open the notebook.

Okay, time to focus...It was kind of hard, with Spinel's hand in his, though. Spinel's hand was warm. He hadn't expected that. It wasn't exactly the first time they'd held hands, but it was the first time that he didn't have something more pressing going on, like an injector full of biopoison. Unbidden, he remembered the kiss she'd given him when he arrived on Homeworld. And the heart eyes...Just happy to see him, or..? No, no, Spinel wouldn't like him like that. Besides, he had Connie. Maybe. They still needed to talk things out.

But still, he couldn't stop thinking about that kiss.

Like Steven had thought, Spinel eventually let go of his hand, although she compensated by leaning against him as he worked. She breezed right over the more pleasant games like Beast Junction or Golf Quest Maximum, going straight for Super Smashing Siblings. She got the hang of it pretty quickly, throwing herself into 8-player melees against the computer. It was a real brawl. Spinel began to unconsciously duck and weave with her character, getting into it. She'd chosen the pink puffball because he was the cutest, but that seemed like a mistake, she had no strong attacks. She lost her first match, and went the opposite direction. That guy looked pretty angry...He had a big sword and a glowy purple punch, too. Perfect.

Steven glanced up from his work, feeling the bed bounce along with Spinel. He smiled to himself, glad she'd forgotten the morning's worry, and was having fun. This schedule was really giving him more trouble than he'd thought...when did Peridot start offering technology classes? He knew Pearl had taught phone etiquette...At least it suited her. Amethyst was trying to teach finances. That could only end in disaster...But he had to trust them, or at least sit in on a class to make sure everything was alright. He couldn't just come in and tell everyone how he thought things should be. It looked like there were some slots scattered about the afternoon. Not enough for a full day of teaching, but maybe that was for the best. He penciled himself, deciding to teach human culture. The gems were great, but they still made some mistakes, even after centuries of living on Earth. Having someone explain how not to get banned from your favorite shops would be helpful. Spinel could soak up some of the culture too, if she was set on helping him teach. And judging from this morning, they would be together. That would work fine, then.

Spinel groaned, leaning back against him. She'd lost again! Still, she shouldn't be surprised. She'd gone up three versus one, having gotten cocky with her new hard-hitting character. She glanced up at Steven. "How's the scheduling goin'?"

Steven shrugged, putting an arm around Spinel. It really seemed like being touched relaxed Spinel, so he saw no harm in it. "I think I've got it pretty much taken care of, I just need to text Pearl and add my courses to the list. Once some gems sign up, we can start teaching down at Little Homeschool."

"Sooo...Yer done for now?" She broke into a grin, drawing a little closer.

"Well..." He pulled out his phone, sending off a quick text with his free hand. "I guess so."

Spinel cheered. "Yaaaay! Let's celebrate! We should go on a road trip, like in some of the movies I saw!"

Spinel had been watching movies? That...Explained a lot, really. The culture classes would really help if all her ideas were from movies. "I think a road trip might be a bit much, but we could have a picnic up by the lighthouse." Steven hadn't had a chance to eat breakfast before she arrived, and he'd kind of forgotten after she did. He could definitely use a bite to eat. 

"Okay! That sounds great!" She stood, taking his hand again. "I just have one question!"

"What's that?" He stood, giving her a smile.

"What's a picnic?"

-

Spinel took a seat on the blanket, surprised by how comfy the grass was. Steven had set up everything for their picnic, up on the cliff above the temple. Sure, the fence around the area kept you from seeing the sea, but it was better than someone falling.

Steven took a seat next to her, smiling. "A picnic's a pretty simple thing." He leaned forward, opening their basket and procuring sandwiches and apple juice. Spinel took the chance to lean against him, taking some for herself. Peanut butter and jelly for her, ham and cheese for him. He had figured sweet and simple was better for her. He wasn't really surprised that Spinel was being so affectionate. She was bound to be touch-starved after her time in the garden. And...It was kind of nice, honestly. "Sit up for a sec, Spinel?" He didn't mind her leaning, but he also wanted to be comfortable. 

Spinel was still eating way too fast, but it wasn't like it mattered. They could just relax outside even if they were done eating. She paused, some jelly stuck to her face, and sat up. 

He lay down, munching on his sandwich and glancing over to her. "Alright. Thanks. Oh, you have a little something." He reached up, putting a hand on her chin and brushing the jelly off her cheek with his thumb.

Spinel blushed, looking away to try to hide it. She lay down suddenly, resting her head on Steven's stomach, and cramming the rest of her sandwich in her mouth.

Steven was a little surprised that Spinel hadn't just lay next to him, but it was fine. He guessed he'd just underestimated just how much she needed physical contact. He gazed up at the clouds, lazily watching them pass by. He hadn't slept too well last night, so he kind of wanted to take it easy. Besides, he'd finished all the work he'd needed to do, he deserved a bit of a break. He closed his eyes, savoring the feeling of the sun on his skin. 

Spinel turned on her side, so she could watch Steven's face. She'd rather stare at that than clouds any day of the week. She...Wasn't very good at staying still, though. She watched him for another few minutes, then wriggled closer, resting her head on his chest and putting an arm around him. She could hear his heartbeat. Another small reminder that she was here with him. She closed her eyes, settling in and relaxing.

That was maybe just a little too much. Steven glanced down at her, opening his mouth to ask her to sit back a bit, but- The words died in his throat. Steven could see some of Reset Spinel in her for the first time. The innocent, loving gem that had just met him and decided they were already best friends. Now, relaxing, she had the same cute expression on her face. He'd never noticed her eyes were black when they were closed. That, and the angry black lines trailing down like tears...Spinel had been through a lot. Was something like this really important in the long run, if it made her feel better? He closed his mouth, smiling slightly, and put an arm around her, leaning back and closing his eyes.

Mmh...This was better than Blue's clouds. And it was real, she wasn't being forced to feel this way. Spinel gladly would've stayed like that the entire day, or even another six thousand years.

The clouds drifted by, the ocean crashed upon the shore, and time passed. 

The pair quickly fell into routine. Spinel would show up shortly after Steven's shower, and the pair would have breakfast together. Before she knew it, Spinel didn't even have to force herself to smile around him. Sure, she'd always liked him, but her trauma had always been bubbling away in the back of her mind. But now...She could just forget all that stuff when she visited him. She could just enjoy being with him. It was nice, but...Spinel was a little scared of just how quickly she'd latched on. Yes, Spinels were made to be friends, but she knew first-hand now just how badly trusting someone could hurt. But she was no good at keeping herself distant. About a week passed like this. Spinel was always at Steven's side. He finished showing her around Beach City and Little Homeworld, but more often than not, the pair would just spend time in their own company.

-

Spinel felt like she was finally getting a handle on this Earth thing. And just in time! Connie would be here today! She was definitely looking forward to meeting her. Steven had somewhat avoided talking about Connie, and Spinel had taken the hint, so she really had no idea what to expect, just one of Steven's treasured friends. That meant they were guaranteed to be a good person! Well- Not quite. He was friends with Spinel, right? And Spinel...No, she was getting better, and that's what mattered. She would be a person worthy of Steven's friendship! She warped over, hurrying into the house and giving Steven a warm grin. "Hiiii, Steven!"

He turned, waving. "Hey, Spinel." He'd gotten in the habit of having breakfast ready when Spinel came over. Today was eggs, bacon, and toast. Sure, Spinel didn't need to eat, but it was nice, having someone to face the mornings with. He'd started getting up later after he'd quit Little Homeschool, so he missed the gems each morning, and didn't really see them until night came around. 

She took a seat beside him at the counter, beginning to dig in. "So Connie'll be here today, right? When?" She talked with her mouth full, Steven having not bothered to correct her manners. Besides, it wasn't like he cared. 

"Hard to say. She normally gets up earlier than me, so she'll probably just have breakfast and kill some time and be here sometime around noon?" They really should've talked about their plans a bit more, but Steven didn't like bothering her when she was busy, and apparently Connie hadn't thought to clarify. They'd been texting and video chatting less often as well. Connie was just so busy studying, and thinking about Connie brought back painful memories Steven hadn't faced yet. But that's what today was for, right?

Spinel nodded. "Awrite, so we should find somethin' ta do after breakfast too!" Lessee...They had spent yesterday down at Funland, so today could be a chill day in? She supposed it was more up to Steven and Connie, but it could at least start that way, right? Spinel was still a pretty quick eater, so she always finished before Steven. "Wanna play some video games before Connie gets here?"

Steven nodded, not talking with his mouth full.

Spinel got up, washing her dishes, and hurried upstairs. If she was fast, she could be player 1! Not that it really mattered, but it made her feel important. 

He followed her up after a few more minutes. Spinel had already loaded up one of Steven's favorites, Beast Junction. Spinel preferred games with a more clear cut goal, but she knew Steven liked relaxing and talking to his in-game friends. Especially since they couldn't move out without asking him anymore. With face paints and everything, Spinel had managed to make a pretty decent likeness of herself. He sat beside her, and she leaned against him. By now, they'd pretty much established a routine. Spinel would lead against him, and Steven would loop his arm around her, so she could be held while they played. 

The game booted up, and Spinel sighed happily. It was nice having days in like this. Steven was warm and soft, like a gigantic teddy bear. She mashed through the opening news segment, and the pair got to playing.

No sooner had they booted up, then Connie entered. "Hey, Steven!" She figured they were up in their room, so she clambered up the stairs. "I thought we could go see a movie today? There's-" She paused, seeing his arm around Spinel. And just how close they were sitting.

Spinel gave her an enthusiastic wave, springing up. "Hiya! Nice ta meetcha, I'm Spinel!" They'd never really had the chance to properly meet. "I'm Steven's new best friend! I've been comin' over like every day and spendin' time with him. I'm so excited to meet you! He's definitely talked ya up!" She bounced over to the other girl, giving her a hug.

Connie didn't return it. "...What were you two doing?" She frowned, stepping forward and out of Spinel’s embrace.

Steven got up, a little concerned about Connie’s frown. “We thought we’d play some video games together before you got here, so we were just sitting around.”

Connie’s tone grew a bit dark. “With your arm around her. And her leaning against you.”

Steven nodded, looking guilty. “I didn’t think it was a big deal. After spending so much time alone, this kind of stuff helps her.”

Connie took a step closer to him. “Steven, I know we’ve never really talked about it, but...I kissed you when you were corrupted. You proposed to me. We kind of have a relationship, and you can’t do things like that with another girl! Especially if you're doing it _every day!_ ”

Steven began to glow. He was doing better, supposedly, but those memories were still extremely painful. And Connie wasn’t being fair. “We never talked about anything, how should I know what’s okay and what’s not?”

“Hey, Steven, are you okay? You’re glowing again…” Her frown melted off her face, replaced with a look of concern.

Spinel put a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Hey, it’s okay, Steven. Just try n’ calm down, okay?”

That only made Connie remember her anger. She tried to restrain it; she didn’t want to make this glow worse. But they needed to talk about this. “You’re supposed to know what’s not okay because that wouldn’t be okay in any monogamous relationship! You can’t just mess around with other girls, Steven.” Her tone was level _enough_ , to her credit.

But Steven really didn’t need this right now. “Why can’t I help her?! There’s someone who finally needs me, and now you’re saying I can’t help?” He’d finally found someone that would let him help, someone who could show him that he was still _capable_ of it...And Connie was saying he couldn’t? “Don’t you know how much I need this?” His voice grew quiet, and he shut his eyes tight, trying to hold back tears. “I’m sorry that she’s actually around when I need her..”

“Steven! You know how important college is!” She took another step closer, beginning to yell in spite of herself. “You said you were okay with me studying! You’re not the victim here, Steven! Even if it helps her, it hurts me! Don’t you even care about that?”

Spinel shifted, going in for a hug. She knew it was getting worse, not better. “It’s okay, Steven! We’ll face it tagetha, right? Just like ya said!”

“OF COURSE I CARE!” Steven shouted. “JUST LET ME HELP HER!” He released the pink glow, a shockwave rippling through the beach house.

Connie was knocked back onto the stairs. She looked up at Steven, fear in her eyes, and turned and ran. 

Spinel was closer, and caught it worse. She had been knocked back hard. Her gem had cracked, right down the middle. If Steven got to it now, it'd be fine, but if it was left, it would definitely get worse. Maybe even shatter her. Her form splayed out around her, Spinel having lost control. She couldn't even move an arm.

Steven glanced back at Spinel, then glanced back to where Connie had run. 

If he hurried, maybe he could still fix this. Before Connie got on Lion and ghosted him forever.

He glanced back at Spinel, and

He turned away. 

Steven ran after Connie.

Steven abandoned Spinel. 

Spinel's eyes widened, filling with tears. They had promised to face things together...He had told her he’d be right there by her side. She let out an anguished scream, a single sustained note of grief. The pain was too much for the gem to handle.

Spinel poofed, her cry abruptly cut off.

  
  
  
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

Steven ran after Connie. It wasn't too late! He could still make this right! She was climbing onto Lion! "Wait! Connie!"

She frowned, but stopped trying to leave, turning to face him. She looked fierce, like she was facing down an attacking Gem or something. "What do you want, Steven? You mess around with Spinel and then what...You attack me?"

Steven shook his head, trying to catch his breath after his sprint. "No! No...It's not like that, Connie. You remember how I used to swell and stuff when I'd glow pink? Well...Other things started happening. Shockwaves, walls...I can't control it. But I'm getting better!"

Connie frowned, anger fading a bit. She had known better than to assume everything would be alright after Steven became uncorrupted, but things were getting worse? "When did this start happening?"

That was kind of a good question. "Let's see...I had a mini shockwave when I went to ask Jasper to join Little Homeschool. The super speed started...When I was fused with Amethyst, trying to save a runaway roller coaster. The walls didn't kick in until Little Graduation, when all my friends were leaving. But everything's fine now! Everything's..." His reassurances died in his throat. "No, it's not fine. I don't need you to tell me that again." He took a seat on the sand, looking aside. "I'll always have to struggle with these powers, and keeping everything from boiling over. Things are getting better, but they're not fine."

"Steven..." She took a seat beside him, putting an arm around his shoulders. "I know it's hard with me studying all the time. And...I shouldn't have run away like that. You just scared me."

Steven pulled away slightly, and Connie took the hint, retracting her arm. It just didn't feel right. "Connie, listen. I guess part of the reason I thought that was okay was...We've never really defined what we had. As part of getting my life together, I need to know. Are we just friends? Or are we more?"

Connie looked out over the sea. Listening to the ocean waves was an excellent excuse to get some time to compose a reply. "I don't know, Steven. For a long time, I kind of figured we'd end up together, without ever needing to have this conversation. Things would just be easy, and simple." She paused, sighing. "I guess that's not realistic, though."

That wasn't really the answer he had been looking for. "No...It's not." On the bright side, he finally understood what Garnet had been telling Jamie all those years ago, how love took work. "Maybe I'm not ready for a relationship right now." Could he really deal with everything, plus a girlfriend on top of it? It was better to keep things simple while he figured everything out.

Connie couldn't help but feel rejected. She knew that she should give him the space he needed to figure things out, but- Knowing something and feeling it are two different things. "Yeah...That's understandable. Just let me know if that ever changes, okay?" She stood, offering Steven a hand. "Do you still wanna hang out today? I'll totally understand if you need some space."

Steven shook his head, taking her hand and getting up. His hand sure didn't linger, though. "Sorry. Do you mind...Waiting here for a moment? I need to go talk to Spinel...I think she was pretty upset that I went after you." Connie nodded, so Steven headed back inside.

Her gem lay on the floor, a crack going right down the middle. "Spinel? I..." He knew he hurt her, but he didn't think it was this bad. Tears welled up in his eyes. He just wanted to help...He was supposed to help. Why did he hurt her so bad? She had done nothing but try to help him. She had been there for him, and he repaid her with a crack. He picked up her gem, carefully cradling it. "I'm so sorry..." He didn't deserve a friend like her..And he doubted she'd want to see him when she reformed.

He took her over to the galaxy warp, treating Spinel as if she were made of glass. He warped over, hurrying to Pink's room. This wasn't right- It looked just like the beach house. Why had Spinel been keeping it like that? Could he really be that important to her? He couldn't help it. The tears began to fall. "Spinel, I'm sorry." He gently placed her on the pillow. Normally, he'd just lick his hand, but... He leaned down, giving her gem a tender kiss. The crack closed, but the gem remained still. He sighed. He'd love to wait by her side like he did for Pearl those years ago, but there was a reason he'd taken her here. "I understand if you never want to see me again. I wouldn't want to either...I just hope you remember that you'll love again. You'll find someone new." She needed someone to treat her better, and he'd thrown her trauma in her face, and cracked her. "Good luck, Spinel." With that, he got up, and headed back to the beach house.

-

He couldn't stop himself from visiting her, though. Every single day. He'd sit at the foot of the bed, and just talk to her. 

"Hey, Spinel. Connie and I talked everything out. We're not together, so she won't get angry if I put my arm around you anymore." Not that she'd want that anyway. "I think she wanted to be with me. I just don't know if I could handle a relationship right now. Especially with Connie...I kind of have feelings for her, but...They're confusing. I'm not sure what I want. I thought we were just friends, but lately she's been acting so weird...It doesn't matter, anyway. With her so busy, she doesn't have time for a relationship either. And I think right now, what I need is someone who's there for me. Someone I can see regularly...Is that selfish?"

-

"Hey, Spinel. Mr. Smiley got a new game in, today. It's a Space Wars game. It looks really fun...I wanted to wait to play it with you, though. When you come back, we should definitely hit up the arcade again. We can even get fry bits if you want. Maybe we could bring Peridot with us, too. With how much she loves her tablet, I'm sure she'd like video games if she gave them a shot. I didn't get the chance to introduce you to my friends. I know you'd get along with Peridot! Lapis Lazuli's a little on the quiet side, but she gets along well with Peridot, so I'm sure you two would get along. You sort of already know Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl, but it'd be nice to all spend some time together, right?" 

-

"Hey, Spinel. Today was my first day back teaching at Little Homeschool...It was pretty stressful. I definitely would've liked to have you at my side. I think you'd like being my TA, though. Or maybe not...I just know I spent most of class wishing you were there to help. We've got lots of new students, but my class isn't very big." He began to tally on his fingers. "Let's see...Sphene, a Lilac Pearl, Serpentine, Antarcticite, Phosphophyllite, Cinnabar, aaand...A Rose Quartz from the zooman ship." He sighed. "Even if we're like siblings, it's still hard not to look at her and think about mom. I was a wreck around her most of the day, and she wasn't much better. I just hope we can get over this by the time the semester's over. And I think Phos makes Peridot and Lapis kind of uncomfortable. It's natural, I guess. Phos is a fusion of a Peridot and a Lapis, so it'd make sense they see themselves in her."

-

This went on for about two weeks. 

"Hey, Spinel. I miss you." He'd gotten used to the silence by now. "I took you for granted, and that wasn't right." He lay back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. "I was watching some old movies yesterday. I think you'd really like one I saw. It's about a knight's quest for the holy grail. It's super funny. We'll have to watch it together when you get back, okay?" As if. "Little Homeschool is going fine...It's been a few days now, and I'm starting to settle in. The new students are so curious about things I wouldn't even think to ask about. I wish you could see them. I know you'd get along with all of them, especially Phos. She's kind of the class clown. A little disruptive, but at least she keeps everyone happy. Her and Cinnabar have been getting along really well." The crack had healed, but...Not even Pearl took this long anymore. He got up with a sigh. "Anyway, that's all I wanted to say. I'll see you tomorrow." He left the room, the door slamming shut behind him. Just in time to miss the gem rising into the air, Spinel's new form glowing around it. 

She felt...Deflated. And her new form matched that feeling. Gone were the poofy clothes she was used to. Gone were her jester's shoes, and her gloves. Her new form was simpler. Just a pink top, and a strawberry colored skirt to go with it. Steven was the first thing on her mind. Steven...She couldn't bring herself to be his friend anymore. So what was she going to do with herself..? Who was she supposed to be, without a best friend? She didn't even have the energy to be angry anymore. What was the point? What was the point of doing anything, really? You just got hurt in the end. Making friends, trying to change for the better...It was all pointless.

She'd let her guard down again. She'd trusted him. She'd trusted the new Pink Diamond. And he'd hurt her too. He'd just said she'd love again. Not that it would end any different. So...What, she was just supposed to move on? To love someone new, just to have it torn away from her again? What a cruel joke. But Steven had taken her back to her room. He'd healed her crack. Like he actually cared about her. What, did he actually think he could still fool her? That she would still fall for that?

That she would still fall for him?

No. It was probably just guilt. Guilt that Steven Universe, the perfect savior, had slipped up again. He'd started on the road to recovery, and just let himself fall off the wagon. Maybe he couldn't change for the better either, huh? They could just be messed up together. Why not try being cruel for a change? It had felt so good to just let loose, and unleash her feelings on everything around her.

No, he'd never agree to that. Not because he was too good for it, just because it was with her. She had just been convenient for him, right? A toy that could be by his side until the moment something better came along. And Connie had come along. She couldn't believe she'd been so stupid. She'd believed him when he called her a friend. When he'd told her they'd face these things _together_...He'd just meant that she should be there for him. How could she have ever believed that Steven Universe, intergalactic hero, would ever want to care for her? That he'd ever be there for her? 

The door opened again, and Spinel looked up, her traitorous heart hoping it was Steven for a moment.

It wasn't.

Garnet frowned slightly, adjusting her visor. "Spinel."

The fusion? What did she want with her? She had never really talked with her. What could- oh. _oh._ Spinel's expression soured. "What, you here ta tell me ta make up with Steven? Help him s'more? Even though he hurt me? I get it, you don't care about me, you're just worried about what me ignoring him will do to your precious _Steven_." She spat the name out like it was poison.

"Nope." She took a seat on the bed, patting the empty spot beside her. "If you don't want to be friends with Steven, there's nothing I can do about that. I'm just here to talk it out with you, and make sure that you make the right decision. Whatever that is for you." 

Spinel's eyes narrowed. She still didn't trust her. She didn't take a seat on the bed, choosing to stand in front of Garnet with her hands on her hips. "Uh Huh. And why would YOU wanna do a thing like that?"

Garnet remained impassive. "I've seen thousands of Steven's futures. And quite a few of yours."

Spinel pulled back, confused. "Mine? Why were ya lookin' inta my future?"

"In a good number of those futures, you and Steven were together. And in those futures, you were truly happy. So was Steven. In the futures you turn away from him...You brush aside your feelings, and move forward alone, there was pain. Pain for Steven, pain for you. Steven hasn’t forgiven himself for hurting you. He carries that burden with him for a long time. In some futures, he can move past it, and forgive himself. And in others, it destroys him. But the likeliest future I see is him moving forward, but always holding you in the back of his mind."

Spinel sat beside Garnet, looking down at her hands. "...He really cared that much?" No, she couldn't start feeling like this again. NO! She pulled on her ponytail, wincing and trying to push those thoughts out of her head.

"He does. I want to spare him from that pain. I want to spare both of you. But, he did hurt you. He hurt you badly. And you're well within your rights if you don't want to forgive him. Some day, you will put thoughts of him behind you, and truly move on, if you set your mind to it. Two of your futures are the most likely. You can choose to move on, and make friends on Homeworld.”

Move on? Never see Steven again? Spinel considered it, slowly letting go of her ponytail. She didn’t know if she wanted that...That didn’t seem like a very good choice. The time they’d spent together had been great. He seemed to actually like her, no more half-smiles and grimaces. Well...He’d _seemed_ to, after all. “I...Don’t think that I never wanna see him again. Other than that last thing, he was a really good friend.” He’d held her, even though it had made Connie upset...Just because she had needed it.

“The other future I see as most likely for you is that you forgive him. You go back, you talk things out. Tell him you still want to be together.”

That also seemed like a bad choice. “He cracked me..And abandoned me. Am I just supposed ta forget that?" Even now, her gem ached, thinking about it. He hurt her and then didn't even try to help. Sure, he’d held her, but clearly he cared more about Connie then he did about her, even if she needed him a lot more.

"No. Of course not. But you can forgive him. Like he forgave you for the injector." 

The injector...She'd hurt his planet. And he'd forgiven her...But it wasn't that easy. "Yeah, yeah. I'm not good like Steven. I can't just forgive an' forget like he can. I'm no good." Stupid. She'd tried to change for the better, and it hadn't worked out. Why would Garnet think she could do something like that?

"What about the last few months? You've been improving, slowly moving past your trauma. Not wanting to forgive Steven is a different issue entirely. Even if you don't forgive him, you can still be good. Progress isn't linear, and one bad action doesn't mean everything you did was pointless. You don't owe him anything. You don't owe anyone anything. It isn't bad to not want to see him anymore. I see other futures for you. You could stay angry and bitter, until things snap, and you make a mistake. You could try to patch things up, but ultimately return to your life on Homeworld. My future vision isn’t perfect."

Spinel leaned over, giving Garnet a hug. Garnet simply smiled, putting an arm around her. "I need some time ta think about it. Should I go try ta talk ta him? Or jus' spend some time workin' on myself?" Spinel knew that Garnet's future vision wasn't infallible, but she needed help. With Pink, there was no question of forgiving her. She was already gone. Spinel really had no experience with something like this...Part of her wanted to run into his arms and hug him, and tell him it was okay, as long as things could go back to the way they were. But she knew there was another part of her that would never stop side-eyeing Steven, blaming him, holding that against him. Even if he said yes to that, Spinel knew she wouldn't be able to put it aside that easily.

"I think you should talk to Steven. He's come to see you every day. But of course, it's up to you." Garnet leaned over, giving Spinel a proper hug, then stood, taking a few steps towards the door. "If you feel like you need to talk about this some more, you know where to find me." She gave Spinel a gentle smile, and departed.

Alone...But by choice, this time. She couldn't imagine performing for someone right now. But she always had to be the cheerful, friendly gem she was made to be...She sighed, laying back on the bed. What did you do in a situation like this? She didn't want to just cut him out of her life, but...Maybe she should. Maybe it would be better for both of them if they just parted ways. Spinel wouldn't get cracked anymore, and Steven wouldn't have to deal with an obnoxious gem who'd only tried to help. An obnoxious gem that couldn't put aside her crush for long enough to see that she was making him uncomfortable...Spinel had loved him. She had known that shortly after she'd been sent away to the diamonds. How could she not, after what they went through together?

But now...Everything was wrong. She didn't know what she felt about Steven. She closed her eyes, picturing him. That sent a pang through her gem. Painful, but also...Something else? Even now she couldn't bring herself to hate Steven. There was still a rush when she thought of him, still some of that old thrill. And she hated herself for it. She shouldn't even like someone who hurt her. She shouldn't feel this way. It was wrong, it was unhealthy. She knew she didn't love Steven anymore. That had dissipated with her form. But she couldn't deny he still had a hold on her.

Ugh. Even her thoughts were messy and disjointed. She kept coming back to the same couple of points.

She rolled over, onto her stomach. She needed to sleep, to shut her mind off for a while.

  
  
  



	5. Chapter 5

Steven frowned, silencing his alarm. He'd been sleeping too much lately; he'd even adjusted his alarm to wake him up at noon. It was another day... and he still wasn't sure what to do with himself. Connie was busy, Garnet had told him to give Spinel some space… he thumbed through his phone, looking through his contacts. He couldn't spend another day alone, and he didn't have any classes to teach today. Pedee was busy with work...Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl were busy with Little Homeschool…Lars was in space, Sadie on tour. There had to be SOMEONE who hadn’t left, right? 

He paused his scrolling, coming across Peridot's number. Her horticulture class was delayed, too. She should be free, and Lapis too. It might be nice to see someone who wouldn't fret over him, too. He sat up, and sent off a quick text.

_ “Hey Peridot, are you and Lapis free today?” _

He sat up, stretching. He hadn't been sleeping well, even if he had slept as long as he did. He got out of bed, gamboling down the stairs and pouring himself a bowl of cereal.

_ “Yes! After you destroyed my greenhouse, I haven't had anything to do but rewatch CPH with Lapis, and make more morps. Do you want to do something  _ 👽?”

Steven smiled down at his phone. 

_ “Sure. Just let me finish breakfast _ .”

There was now the small problem of what they were going to do together, but that wasn't really an issue, especially after him and Peridot had that whole conversation after the CPH reboot had started airing. He considered it as he ate his breakfast, but he was never very good at staying focused when he'd just woken up, so his mind began to wander. 

He'd never really asked the Crystal Gems about why they'd kept Lapis trapped in the mirror in the first place. It did make some sense, considering how many different Era 1 things he'd seen that were gem-powered. The temple that had made him queasy, Blue's comb, maybe the Sea Spire, the desert glass. There were a lot of gemstones used in construction, too. The sea goddess statue, the injectors, the cogs in Nephrite's drop ship…

...Although actually… that was an old Era 1 ship. It was possible there was a gem stuck in there, powering it. The thought struck him with a pang. That was definitely something they should check out… he could take Lapis and Peridot with him. He didn't really know his way around, so having Peridot guiding him would be helpful.

He hurried through his admittedly bland cereal and dressed, hurrying over to the warp. There could've been a gem trapped this whole time, and they'd just ignored her? He felt just a bit of panic beginning to bubble up in his chest. He didn’t even know the gem, but the fact there was someone who was suffering just because he hadn’t thought of them was upsetting. He’d learned to take even a hint of panic seriously. It would be easy to indulge, let his mind sink into the panic and fear, but… it was fine, he told himself. He knew worrying about it wouldn't help. He let out a long, slow, breath. This wasn't how he was going to fall apart. 

After Lapis had destroyed the barn, they'd built a new home, which Little Homeworld had sprung up around. Steven hurried to the heart of Little Homeworld. 

Their new house was definitely cozy, and it was sweet they were still living together, even if they didn't really need to anymore. Being around so many other gems was already a big change for Lapis, so it made sense she'd want to keep Peridot close. He knocked on the door a couple times quickly, still trying to bite back his anxiety. If a gem was trapped, it was entirely his fault. He was supposed to be better than that. 

Lapis answered, smiling. Lapis had definitely been doing better since everything on Homeworld had gone down, and she faced her fears. It was good to see her smiling. But that wasn't important right now! 

"Lapis! I think there could be a gem trapped in the drop ship in the jungle, that was used to power it!" 

Her smile immediately dropped off her face. "What?!" She frowned, taking a few steps back into her house and grabbing Peridot's hand, who’d been reclining on the couch. She pulled her out of the house with a frown. "Come on, we're going." She stormed past Steven, towards the warp. Peridot yelped, hurrying after her. Not that she had much of a choice, with Lapis's vice grip on her hand. 

It was a shame Nephrite was busy with classes. It would have been a lot easier to ask her, but Lapis and Peridot should be able to lead them just fine. Steven followed them over to the warp, and they were off.

There was the ship. A giant, labyrinthian hunk of twisted, ruined metal. "Okay! Peridot, can you show us how to navigate through the ship?"

Peridot looked unsure. "What? This is an Era 1 ship! It was wrecked before I was made."

Lapis let go of her hand and kneeled, staring Peridot hard in the eyes. "Peridot. You must've seen a lot of ship schematics during your five thousand years as a homeworld engineer! Even if you don't know the specific ship, I know you can do this. Come on." She turned, leaning the group over to the door, and heading inside. 

Peridot blushed slightly. Lapis could definitely be intense. But, she was right! Yeah! Peridot had this! She ran after the other two, taking the lead as they plunged into the ship.

"Okay. The power supply should be somewhere near the center of the ship, to allow for the most efficient distribution of energy." She led Lapis and Steven towards the center of the ship, frowning as she saw the extreme state of disrepair. "This place is in worse shape than I thought. An entire drop ship, wasted!" She knew it would never fly again, she'd known that shortly after being stranded on Earth. 

"That's not important right now." Lapis put a firm hand on Peridot's shoulder. "What's important is finding the gem." She didn’t even know for sure there was one, but after what Lapis had gone through, even the possibility scared her. 

Steven nodded, not really sure what else to say.

Peridot knew Lapis was right. With nobody at the bridge, at least there weren't any traps to worry about. They managed to reach the core fairly quickly. The door opened smoothly at their touch, a definite indicator this place was still receiving power. And there she was, sitting in the center of a mess of circuitry. "Oh my stars, she must have been trapped here for centuries!" The gem was round, green on the edges, with a splash of pink in the center, like a slice of watermelon.

Peridot began to run over, but Lapis beat her to the punch, tearing the gem out of its setting. "It's okay, you can come out now. You don't have to be in this prison any more."

The gem began to glow, rising into the air as a new body formed around it. The shape warped and hesitated as it formed, as if it had almost forgotten how. But, before too long, there she was. 

She had long hair with a green-to-pink gradient, hanging down to the small of her back. Her entire form seemed to waver between pink and green. Her skirt and left eye were a solid green, but her right eye and top were a pastel pink. Her gem was planted firmly in her chest, although it wasn't very lustrous. She blinked, looking around the suddenly-darkened ship. 

"...What happened?" Asked Watermelon Tourmaline.

Lapis smiled, offering her a hand. "That's kind of a big question. Come with us, and we can explain everything. Are you okay?"

The new gem nodded, accepting the help up. Peridot led them back out of the ship, and over to the warp. "Welcome to Earth! To Era 3!" They warped off, heading back to Little Homeworld. It was rather fortunate that classes were in session. That way, Tourmaline could get the full effect. "And, to your new home! If you want."

"New home...?" She gazed out around the area. The Heaven & Earth Beetles were out for their afternoon walk, Cherry Quartz was working with a trio of Pearls and Bismuth to fix up the greenhouse, a defective Amethyst was lecturing a gaggle of different gems… how odd.

Lapis nodded. "If you want. This is Little Homeschool. It's a place for gems to learn about Era 3, and how to live on Earth, if they want to.”

Tourmaline frowned. It was a little too much for her to take in. “...Okay. I guess I wouldn’t mind learning more about Era 3. Do you have a cubby for me while I stay here?” She didn’t need to sleep, of course, but she still wanted to be in the proper place when she wasn’t learning. 

“We don’t… really use cubbies here.” Peridot shook her head. “Even if you’re going to be stationed here for a while, when you’re not taking classes you can just relax in your house.”

“What’s a house?” Tourmaline continued to frown. She hoped she wasn't going to feel this foolish all through her classes. 

Steven opened his mouth to answer, but it died in his throat as Lapis gestured to the nearest one. “It’s like a big cubby that you can decorate and make your own. Peridot and I have one in the center of town, with all kinds of things to make it look just the way we want.”

“Well… okay.” Tourmaline was still pretty unsure about all these things, but she was willing to give it a shot.

Lapis and Peridot showed her around, Steven trailing behind, and they picked out a house for her. They had expected some gems would want to move to Earth, so Bismuth had built extras. Steven was quickly beginning to feel useless. As Lapis and Peridot guided the new gem around, he realized they didn't need him. He may have been the one to set up Little Homeschool, but it was thriving without him. He'd just come back to teach because he wasn't sure what else to do with himself.

The new gem's name was Watermelon Tourmaline, which surprised them- she didn't look anything like the Watermelon Tourmaline that had been corrupted. He knew he should be happy for her, but… it was still hard not to feel pointless. 

“So, this is your new home!” Peridot was grinning, examining it. “Solid craftsmanship! I don’t mean to brag, but I held the nails for Bismuth while she built the house! And now, we just have to make it yours! What kinda decorations do you like?” 

Was that something to brag about…? This was an extremely odd Peridot. Still, she was being nothing but kind, so Tourmaline was going to make an effort. “Well, I’m not really sure about decorations...But I do like colorful things. And anything I could play around with, using my electricity.” She held up a hand, a thin bolt of energy streaking between her fingers.

“Hmm...Maybe some electric lights? We can go pick those up in the city.” Lapis turned, although her smile melted off her face as she saw Steven's expression. "Hey, are you okay?"

Steven quickly forced himself to smile, nodding. "Yeah! I’m totally fine.” He knew he should talk about it… bottling things up wasn’t healthy… but he didn’t want to break down in front of a new gem, and they could talk it over later if Steven still felt like this. “Let’s pick you up some lights, alright?” He nodded to Watermelon Tourmaline.

Tourmaline just returned his nod. The intricacies of interpersonal relationships still seemed a little beyond her at the moment, so she remained silent.

The four returned to the warp pad, heading back to the beach house, and out to the Dondai. 

“Why don’t you take the front seat, Tourmaline?” Steven still wasn’t sure about actually being able to help her, but this way, she could at least take in some of the town. Electric lights… there definitely wasn’t anywhere in town to get those, other than just Mall Mart, which didn’t have the best selection. He pulled out his phone, figuring he could GPS somewhere.

Peridot and Lapis clambered into the back seat. “It’s a shame we can’t just fly there. It’d be much quicker.” Her and Steven had made the trip to Empire City in less than eleven minutes, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to carry three people on her back. 

Tourmaline got into the seat, frowning slightly. It was about the right size for her, but what an odd form of transportation. It was like a landlocked Wandering Eye, but even rubies had more space than this. Whoever Steven was, he must not be very important in Era 3. Why didn’t they just warp? 

“Seatbelt on.” He gave Tourmaline another smile, demonstrating how to put on a seatbelt. As everyone buckled up, he searched through his phone. The idea of a lights shop was a little weird, but a lot of stuff people did was weird.  _ Cadence’s Crazy Clights _ … located in the heart of downtown Empire City. That was a bit of a haul, but a specialty light store sounded perfect. Or- Clights, rather. Judging from the pictures, it would have everything they needed and more.

Two hour drive away… well, that wasn’t too bad. There were some disadvantages to living in such a small town, but at least Empire City was in driving distance. Steven was silent as they drove, not really sure what to say. Still, Lapis and Peridot started up a conversation behind him, talking about… some CPH fan forum? Apparently there were some really vehement anti-shippers for their favorite ship. It struck him as a little odd to define yourself by what you hated. Most of the conversation went right over his head, but it pressured him more to talk to Watermelon.

“Um…” Steven cast around for a topic for a moment or two. “So… do you remember much about your time before you were put in the ship?”

Tourmaline shook her head. “There wasn’t much. I spent time powering a few different things, but I was paired with my ship right when my Diamond was assigned her first colony. Then there was the rebellion, and we were sent back to Earth…”

Steven’s eyes widened slightly, but remained firmly focused on the road ahead. “Y-Your diamond?” That had to be mom, right? You’d think Steven would be better at this by this point. But he hadn’t had to tackle that thorny topic since he’d left Little Homeworld. Ultimately, did it really matter who’s diamond she had served? Better to just not tell her. “Well, in Era 3, nobody serves a Diamond. You’re your own gem.” 

Tourmaline frowned. “Then how do we know what to do?”

“You just...decide for yourself. Figure out what makes you happy, and pursue it.” It was much easier to give that advice than take it, though. Steven had no idea what made him happy at this point.

Tourmaline wasn’t so sure about that. “Mmh.” And she fell silent.

They drove over to Empire City in an uncomfortable silence, Peridot and Lapis’s conversation the only sound in the small car.

The time passed slowly, slowly, but it passed. Later rather than sooner, they arrived in Empire City. Driving through downtown was a million times worse. Traffic, honking commuters, rude pedestrians...It was definitely frustrating, but...He’d dealt with worse. He could handle this.

_ Finally _ , they pulled into the parking lot. The lights shop was definitely… vibrant. A neon sign in every color of the rainbow proudly declared it to be  _ Cadence’s Crazy Clights _ . There were some alien lights in the window, as well as a blinking  _ I Want To Believe _ sign. But, there were plenty of non-alien lights as well, so it should be okay.

“Alright, here we are.” Steven parked and turned off the car, getting out. He was pretty much ready to have this over and done by this point. 

The gems exited the car as well, Lapis frowning. The shop was so garish. She wanted to be here for Tourmaline, though. Peridot opened the door, ushering in Lapis, Tourmaline, and Steven.

Tourmaline let out a small ‘ooh’, glancing around. The store’s interior was even more lurid, greens and reds and blues fighting for dominance. Even the girl behind the counter- Cadence, probably- Had green hair, tied back in massive pigtails, held in place by little holographic alien clips.. “Heya, welcome in! Lemme know if I can help ya find anything, okay?”

“Will do!” Peridot answered, immediately distracted by one of the neon aliens. “Lapis, look! Its intelligence is radiant! We should get this one for our place!”

Lapis looked over at her, nodding. “Sure. I think it could go over by the couch.” 

Watermelon Tourmaline frowned. “How do you guys know what to pick out?”

Finally, something Steven could do. “Just look around, try to find something that looks nice to you.” He glanced around. “Like…” He picked up a small blue lava lamp, offering it to Lapis. “How about this? Do you like it?”

She picked up one of the neon aliens and turned over to Steven, smiling slightly. “Yeah, that’s actually fairly pretty.” She held a hand up, trying to manipulate it. Unfortunately, she was met with failure. Her eyebrows furrowed, and she tried again, harder.

Steven chuckled, shaking his head. “No, it’s not water. It’s actually a special oil, and some hot wax. Dad explained it to me when I was a kid.”

Tourmaline nodded slowly. “Okay, so… I like the look of this, so… I just pick it up?” She picked up a giant light up watermelon slice, roughly twice the size of her head.

“That’s right!” Steven smiled. “Well, almost. That’s just a display model, so you know what it looks like. Put it back, and get one of the boxes with a picture of it on the side.”

Tourmaline nodded, and grabbed one, heading deeper into the store to see what there might be. Lapis and Peridot followed, clutching their neon alien and one of the lava lamps Steven had showed them. 

Steven was tempted to follow them, but they didn't need him. He sighed, leaning against the counter. He’d just talk to Cadence while they shopped.

Tourmaline looked through the shelves, picking up a few strands of Christmas lights. It would be nice to make conversation while they looked around. “So how long have you two been together? I noticed you two live together when you were showing me Little Homeschool.” 

Lapis immediately began to blush. “What? We’re not- her and I have never-”

“We’re not together!” Peridot was blushing a little bit herself. “Like, we live together, but we’re not  _ together _ together.” It wasn’t like she’d never thought about that before- it was a natural consequence of obsessing over a show that was defined by the relationships in it. 

Tourmaline raised an eyebrow. “I just meant- How long have you two been living together? I didn’t think you two were dating… are you okay?”

“Yes! We’re fine. We’re fine.” Peridot answered quickly, focusing her attention on a nearby neon taco. 

Tourmaline wasn’t sure, but she just nodded. “Sure, sure.” She pulled a strip of color-changing LEDs off the shelf, shrugging.

Lapis studiously avoided Peridot’s eyes, focusing on the vibrant lights.

-

All in all, they got Lapis and Peridot’s lava lamp, the neon alien, the giant light up watermelon, the christmas lights, the LEDs, a disco ball, and a stoplight. Steven paid, reflecting for a moment that it was lucky his dad was rich. Steven didn’t have his own source of income. 

They all piled back into the Dondai. Steven figured he should take another shot at conversation, but… nothing came to mind. Lapis and Peridot were talking more quietly this time, and Steven was only able to make out bits and pieces of their conversation. Something about whatever Tourmaline had said, something about Percy and Pierre… the drive felt longer on the way back, Steven spending it trapped in his own head.

Still, they eventually made it back to Little Homeschool. Lapis and Peridot took the lead once more, showing Watermelon back to her home. “Just let Bismuth know if there’s anything you want to change about your house, but you should be able to set up your lights by yourself.” Lapis gave her one last smile.

“Thanks, guys.” Tourmaline had… a lot to get used to. But at least she felt like she’d made some friends, even if they were a little obligated to be kind to her, considering they were teachers. “I’ll definitely sign up for those classes you mentioned earlier. So… I’ll see you then?” She gave the pair a nervous smile.

“Yeah! Lapis doesn’t teach, but she helps me with my classes sometimes. We’re getting Bismuth to rebuild the greenhouse before they get started back up.” Peridot waved. “We’ll see you then!” 

And that was that. Peridot turned to face Steven, grinning. “I think that went well!” But, it would seem Steven still hadn’t cheered up. She frowned, taking a half-step closer. “Hey, you okay?”

Steven forced himself to smile, but… no, he was supposed to open up. He sighed, shaking his head. "No, I'm not okay. Do you guys mind if I talk about things?"

Peridot reached up to pat Steven on the back. "We're your friends! Of course you can talk to us!" Peridot led them back home, figuring it'd be better to talk somewhere comfortable. They didn't really have too many human comforts, but they had a couch! That had to count for something. 

Steven appreciated it, at least. He took a seat on the edge of the couch, looking around their house. It was definitely cozier then the barn, even if it didn't have that country charm to it. And it gave him something to look at while he tried to open up. He still wasn't very good at talking about his problems. "Well… a few weeks ago, Spinel came back down to Earth. She wanted to move in, and be my friend. She didn't end up moving in, but she came by every single day to see how I was doing, spend the day with me, and all of that." 

Lapis took a seat directly beside him, concerned. Peridot settled for the other end of the couch. "If you need a friend, you can always come by Little Homeworld. Peridot and I would be glad to have you come visit." She had hoped Steven would visit more after Little Homeschool had sprung up, but then he'd quit. 

Steven shot them a quick smile, but wanted to just continue venting. 

"Spinel was pretty...well… touch-starved, after spending six thousand years alone." Lapis had spent a few centuries alone too, but she didn't really seem like a huggy kind of gem. "So, she… ended up holding my hand a lot, hugging me… cuddling me, honestly..." Those memories should've been happy, but they were just painful right now. Relaxing and watching the clouds together, her head on his chest..."She was so happy to have a friend again, and it was good for both of us, spending time together."

Lapis was definitely expecting a 'but' in there, but she remained silent, hoping she was wrong. Steven clearly needed to just let it out, so she'd be quiet and give him the chance. Peridot, however, wasn't as good with the emotion thing. "So what's the problem? It sounds like me and Lapis, and we're happy!" Her and Lapis didn't exactly cuddle or anything, but it was definitely good for them to spend time together. 

"Well… Connie came by, one morning. I was planning on introducing her to Spinel. I was hoping they'd get along, since they were both kind of my best friend... but… she surprised us, and... found me with my arms around Spinel. She freaked out, and assumed I was cheating on her. We argued, I went pink... and..." His body went pink again, remembering what had happened. "I had an outburst, and it… i-it cracked Spinel... Connie ran away, scared, and… I chased after her. But… leaving Spinel alone hurt her so bad she poofed. I fixed her crack, and dropped her off at homeworld, but… I haven't seen her since... and that was almost two weeks ago. She… she just wanted to be my friend. But… I cracked her, and poofed her. I'm supposed to help my friends… how could I hurt her like that?!" He rounded on Lapis and Peridot, tears in his eyes.

Lapis' first inclination was to flee. He'd cracked a gem by going pink, and he’d just gone pink, but… she'd learned better by now, and quashed that feeling. "It's okay, Steven. Sometimes, the ones we love the most, are the ones we hurt the most, too." She glanced back at Peridot. 

That... didn't seem right to Steven… but it definitely fit his experiences. Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl had almost gotten him killed more times than he could count over the years. "So, what, I'm just supposed to go back to Homeworld and apologize, and everything'll be okay? Things'll never be the same again..."

"That's okay. Things'll just be different." Lapis tried to comfort him, and smiled at the young man that had helped her so much. "And that's not always a bad thing. Things were awkward for a long time when I came back after leaving Peridot. Or maybe that was just me, but that's how I felt. But it's like you said. Nothing's still on Earth, everything's changing." She was giving him maybe a bit too much of his own advice, but she really didn't have much experience with helping people beyond him helping her. "Things were awkward… and now they're not." She turned to Peridot, putting a hand on her shoulder. "There's a reason we decided to stay together, even though there's so much more room now." 

Peridot nodded. "Yeah! I never really thought things were awkward, I was just happy to have Lapis back. And now we're closer than ever! So I'm sure Spinel will be glad to see you, if you just talk things out."

The glow on Steven slowly began to fade as he calmed down. "Thanks guys, but… I don't think it's really that simple. How did you two figure things out?"

Peridot shrugged. "We kinda just stayed together until things calmed down. But we were already living together at that point, so we had a good reason." 

Lapis began to frown, turning to Peridot. "...I never apologized, did I? I'm sorry for running away. I was scared of the Diamonds, but I should never have abandoned our family. You, me... and Pumpkin." She still missed the little gourd. It was a shame not even magic could sustain a pumpkin forever. She had tried to keep a bit more distance from Pumpkin than Peridot had, if only so it didn't hurt so much when Pumpkin inevitably rotted away, but of course, it hadn't really worked. At least she'd been distant enough to be there for Peridot, who had been beside herself. 

"Wow, thanks." Peridot shook her head. "You don't need to apologize, Lapis. Any sane gem would've run from the diamonds.” Family?... Peridot hadn't thought of them that way before, but… she liked it. A lot. That would make her and Lapis the moms, then. She knew Lapis wasn't much of a hugger, but she pulled Lapis in for one anyway. 

Lapis returned her hug, but she shook her head as well. "No, I do. I never apologized for that, or for crushing your tape recorder, or… I was pretty awful to you in general when we first met. You made such a good effort to reach out to me, and I turned you away." She was trying to be better. Peridot had been  _ nervous _ about coming to Lapis for help after Pumpkin had died. The whole ordeal had definitely made Lapis take a look at how she'd treated Peridot in the past. She couldn't blame Peridot for not wanting to come to her for help. But… she was trying to be better now. She had a lot to make up for.

Steven was glad to see they were getting along, but… it only made him feel even more useless. They had been sucked into their little conversation, their own little world. Spinel was really the only one who needed him. He had to fix things with her. He  _ had _ to. 

"That's okay. I mean, I tried to kill Steven when I first met him. And a couple times after that- but my point is, we've both changed since then." Peridot pulled back, but began to frown when she noticed Steven was looking pained. "Um… sorry, Steven." They had kind of broken off into their own little chat. 

"It's okay." Steven stood. "I'm just going to… plan what I'll say to Spinel when she wants to see me again." Garnet had told him not to bother her, and he trusted Garnet, so it seemed like that was really the best he could do for now.

Lapis, looking a little guilty, stood as well. "Are you sure you don't feel like talking anymore?" Steven shook his head, so she sat back down. "Okay… well, we'll see you later, then. If you ever need to talk or anything, feel free to come by." 

"Yeah! We're just a warp away! And you have to come here most days for work, too! So you should definitely swing by!" Peridot offered.

Steven smiled, but he still looked pretty pained. "Yeah, I'll do that. Bye." He quickly left their house, sighing. Letting it out had helped, but… all Lapis and Peridot did was prove to Steven that he wasn't needed. 

Maybe he should just… leave. 

His dad had been right. He couldn't find himself if he wasn't looking. But… it all reminded him a little too much of Pink, like he was just running away from his problems. And if he just left, then Spinel wouldn't be able to find him if she wanted to talk. Wait… what if Spinel  _ had _ tried to talk to him, and he'd been out at Little Homeschool when she’d come by?! He hurried to the warp, heart pounding.

He warped over, and...!

He was met with a dark, empty house. Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl wouldn't be done with classes for another half-hour.

Steven just went to bed. He didn't want to talk to them right now anyway.


End file.
